The big lady who also liked to lie down on the tarmac

Unedited text.


August. Weekend. On the same night, when a very drunk gentleman “kissed” the ground in front of a bar in Espoo center, I got an order to the local IKEA shopping center from the post.

I drove to the end of the street where I was stopped by a fence, which was around the area. I waited for a few minutes but nobody showed up. I called the client’s phone and said I had arrived and explained where I was exactly. As it turned out, I was waiting in the wrong place. I drove back to the start of the street, the drunken lady giving me directions. I saw a big round body waving at me in a dark parking lot. Okay, I was in the right place.

I picked up the drunken lady, weighing 120-130 kilograms and we drove to her apartment, about 3 kilometers/1,9 miles away. She had a plastic bag containing drinks and food. It was almost 2 am. I don’t know where she got them. Anyway she wanted to go to her apartment. She wanted to pick up her poodle (that’s what she told me) and a couple of bottles of vodka. Then she wanted to go some woods in Nuuksio, where her summer house supposedly was.

Okay. We were driving to her apartment. On the way we encountered some turns and she kept leaning on my right arm. It isn’t exactly pleasant when a girl weighing about 130 kilograms is pressing on your hand. Not exactly exciting.

We arrived at her house and drove to the last doorway. It was almost dark. The only light was coming from the doorway. There was a bit of sidewalk to the right of the car and some bushes, about 3 meters high. She said that she would leave her bag, go to her apartment and pick up her vodka and her dog. “Okay. I’ll wait,” I promised her.

She then tried to exit the car in the dark and narrow spot. It wasn’t the easiest. She pulled herself up on the open car door. She then faced the car, stepped a bit to the left, closed the door and right away slid to the ground, clipping the car’s side.baskerville-66815203

I exited to see if she was alright and to help her up. But she had gotten up mysteriously fast. Only her shoe was lost after the hit. I aimed my flashlight into the darkness, on the grass and we found Cinderella’s shoe. Then she started to totter towards the doorway, asking me to join her. I refused politely and added that I would wait in the car.

I waited for 5-6 minutes. She arrived with a crossbreed doggy, the size of the Baskerville dog, in one hand and a plastic bag with two one-liter vodkas in the other.

I exited the car again to open the boot so that the dog could get in. I asked Cinderella: “So THIS is the little poodle, huh???” “Well, it’s a little dog, isn’t it. He won’t bite. He’s friendly,” she approved her horse-sized dog…

We started to drive towards the summer house. The roads in North-Espoo are traditionally full of turns, so the lady leaned on my arm with her body in right turns. The dog didn’t like the roads either – it was in stress and flapping around in the back, trying to find the right position to survive the trip. At one moment he …


You can read the end of the story from the book “The Diary of Taxi Driver in Finland. Part One” with about 100 stories for just 2.99!

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Many thanks in advance,

Tommi Topelund

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