Sleeping on the post means you are bound to see some shit

Unedited text.

July. Midnight on a regular day at work. I was waiting for a client in Espoo center. The adventures of the last few nights had tired me to the point that I fell asleep on the post. Finally a colleague decided to wake me up. I was just having a great dream where I had been sipping sparkling wine. Why did he have to wake me up?


View to Espoo center. Photo:

As soon as I had woken up, I got a call to a local bar named Armadillo. I was still so sleepy that I drove past the correct turn. On the next crossroad which leads to Turunväylä motorway realized I went a bit too far.

I turned around and drove to Armadillo. Two people entered the car. One, a woman in her early twenties wearing all white, and the second, a man in his fifties also wearing a white shirt. I don’t know if they were a couple or what the connection was between them. They were both so drunk that they were practically blowing alcohol bubbles. The girl mumbled when she talked like she was missing a few teeth.

The duo wanted to go eat at a McDonalds a few kilometers from there.

When we arrived there were three cars waiting before us. The lady told me her “great” idea to “pause” the taximeter while waiting. I paused it for a few minutes but when I saw the princess talking to her knight I restarted the meter. We both got what we wanted, so it was a win-win situation, I guess.

About 5 minutes later she decided that she wants to pee. And she didn’t want to go to the toilet inside. She wanted to take a leak behind some bushes next to the building. To dry her “flower” she asked the old man for his shirt. When she got it, she exited the car and disappeared in to the darkness for a few minutes. Then the half-naked old man decided it would be a good idea to go investigate why the line was moving so slowly. When getting an answer which probably didn’t have any useful information, he retreated and lit a cigarette to calm his nerves. At the same time the lady returned from her wizz with his shirt. He put in on backwards so the dirty side was outside. She had returned with a shirt which had a brown stain on it. That’s right – she had taken a shit and wiped her ass with the t-shirt.

The girl returned to the car and sat in the back. He continued to smoke his cigarette.

It was time to get our food so I drove in front of the McDonalds window. Lady Shit started dictating to the server what she had ordered, counting down the various ingredients. Finally I told the girl “the server knows what you ordered.” To that the waitress started laughing.

The gentleman paid for the food and returned to the car. He sat in the front seat. Luckily he didn’t ruin my seat with his shirt. The missis on the back seat had already started destroying her food and sucking some coke to wash it down. She did very loudly and unpleasantly. Kind of like how you see a pig chomp their food.

We drove to a small neighborhood near Espoo center. Some time on the trip she asked me if I wanted to eat too. I declined politely. Just the thought of her eating manners and the food being in her hands, covered in piss and shit took all of my appetite.

Finally we arrived to a yard of some houses where there was a friend waiting for the pair. It was a fellow, about 25-30 years old, looking like Big Mac himself – a big fat boy in stretched track pants and a huge shirt.

The old man paid the bill and we parted ways. Finally. I got a trauma from this keikka for quite a while.

Dear Reader,

Please find “The Diary of Taxi Driver in Finland. Part One” with about 100 stories on Amazon for just 2.99!

And if it’s not too much to ask, please leave your comment or put a Like on my book page on Amazon after the reading.

Many thanks in advance,

Tommi Topelund

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